Nice!
what do i put here
Frankie
@f4t4lfrankie
Age 22, they/its
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Comments
God this was beautiful, great work! It's awesome to see someone take a more poetic and short-form approach to the Writer's Jam, not too many people do that and it's particularly hard to do something like this right! This feels really intimate and genuine, I appreciate your participation a lot and I hope to see you in the next one too!
On a surface analysis, I'd say you nailed the conveyal of a glass' emotions with your imagery and use of metaphors, syntax and the pacing and rhythm of the prose; insofar as I interpret something like that for your vision, I'd call it successful art.
Think you could write some beautiful poetry by the way, if you'd enjoy doing so.
I also liked the glass' personality and manner of speech, pretty sexy and sublime.
The contrast between the different owners and their treatments was also interesting.
I usually abhor obtuse vocabulary (though I use it! XP) but in this case, rather, it seems fitting and purposeful to me for the effects I mentioned, so great job.
If I were to make any suggestion it would be to develop longer declamations of the glass' deeper emotions, as I feel like much water can flow from deep fountains such as these, so to speak; I'd probably say to add a gradually increasing intensity/drama/tension/something to prevent it from feeling repetitive, if you'd roll with this.
But in any case, great job! Congratulations on second place!
tysm!! i love using simple words to describe stuff tbh. i like that everyone will be able to get it. i was originally going to write a poem for this, but then got this idea and ran with it ^^
I love how poetically it describes a story of inanimate object! As a reader, I see this as a beautiful story showing three different generations through the prism of how they care for things they own. As a person who attempts to write, it makes me think of the strengths of written art.
Thank you!
Damn. This was very sharp and on point. I dont know if i missed something but it felt as though the glass became more harsh the more it broke down, and I like that symbology of fragility mixed with the physical feeling of sharpness against ones skin
Wow, an unexpected approach and a really unexpected point of view. A well executed 1st person perspective on a delicate topic. A great entry, totally deserve being among winners
Sheik13LoZ
Loved the prose in this. It flowed so nicely. Lovely piece. Really neat choice for how to use the prompt.
f4t4lfrankie
tysm!! ^^